Thursday, December 06, 2007

I Feel

I feel . . .

Torrential rain

Endless tears

Shapeless love

House of mirrors

Wind-blown leaves

Shaking hands

Desert dryness

Shifting sands

Volcanic thunder

Convulsive sobs

Pillaged feelings

Emotional mobs

Frozen fright

Melted will

Fallow ground

No need to till

Loss that gains

Gain that’s loss

The hornet’s sting

Of count the cost

I feel . . .

Help Me

Help me!

I’m shattered and broken,

Completely undone

My heart ripped asunder

By the one that I love

Like the scorching sun

On the morning mist

You vanquished our love

Seems that I don’t exist

Why should I be left alone?

To languish in this loss

When you promised you’d love me

No matter the cost;

But when it cost you you

You threw in the towel

Stuck in a hook

And ripped out my bowels

I’ve lost all my words

My tongue’s become dumb

The pain still persists

When I thought I’d be numb

I grope for some answer

That will banish my pain

I scrub at my heart

To erase all the stain

But your touch is implanted,

Indelibly deep

It leaves me a vacuum

Wholly incomplete

Hopeless, nothing, meaningless life

Beat on an anvil, gripped in a vice

Move on? To what?

I’m lost without you

Be strong! Don’t cry!

Two things I can’t do

Don’t worry; it’ll pass

Things will get better

Nice words you say

But my soul is still fettered

I love you; I need you;

I miss you; it’s true

I can’t get me back

I gave me to you

Help me!

Saturday, November 17, 2007

∞∞∞ The Sum of Love is 8 ∞∞∞

The sum of “I love you” is 8. That’s right. Not many people know this. I can only think of two who really know this strange mathematical phenomenon – me included. As kids we used to say I love you in code by writing 1-4-3. Each numeral represented the number of letters in each word of the phrase. We thought we were crafty. But we really didn’t know much about love, not really.

As my love matured, I reverted to this childlike method of communication. Maybe there was a need to talk in code, but honestly, it was because I came to a deeper understanding of love. In my "greater sophistication," I totaled the three numbers and would simply type or say, “8.” I have only used this expression with one person, and that is the way it will remain – always & forever. At times, 8 failed to be genuine love, but most of the time it was true to form. Today, it challenges me, because as I studied this numeral, I realized that if it is read backwards or upside down, it is still 8. That's the way true love works. No matter how you slice or dice it; it remains constant.

Even more profound was that fact that when turned sideways, it succinctly demonstrates the true nature of love: infinity. Someone used to tell me, “I love you times infinity.” This was the only way of conveying the force of this feeling I suppose. Love isn't simply constant; it is also infinite.

best represents the nature of God: love. Every time I type the number 8, I am reminded about the love of God. For me, the number says, “I love you unconditionally – always & forever – times infinity.” It says that in just one character! And while I know this is probably not amazing to anyone but me, I am completely enamored by this numerical concept.

Every chance I get, being careful not to wear it out, I will insert this one number to remind my friend of how much I care. And each time I use it, God reminds me of how much He cares. When I was a kid, almost a baby really, there was a television show that aired titled, "Eight Is Enough." I am one of eight children, so the title of the show always stuck with me. And despite this all sounding like numerical nonsense, I have come to realize and embrace -- at least when it comes to love -- that 8 is enough.

8,

Nathan