Tuesday, July 18, 2006

Like My Next Breath . . .

It’s been about a month since my last blog. I am trying to be consistent in posting one each month. The one I am going to share with you today is extremely personal. I am a little nervous about letting others in on the thoughts of my heart; I felt this personal letter was appropriate since recently God has been convicting me about how I have allowed the enemy and circumstances strain and fracture some very important friendships. Let me set this up:

A few years ago a friend of mine was going through a lot of stuff. He felt like his life had come to a standstill, no one truly loved him, and was talking about suicide. He is like a brother to me and was often a source of comfort and confidence. We used to chat and talk for hours about the things of God. We talked about God’s hesed – that unfailing love that God offers to us, even when we’re unfaithful. It is the kind of love that remains “covenantally” committed even when we are not. The book of Hosea depicts this succinctly. We also talked about how unusual it was for two unrelated languages – Hebrew and Greek – to have words – ruach and pneuma – that could each mean three things: spirit, wind, or breath. In other words, the Old Testament and the New Testament each have a different word that has precisely the same meaning and number of meanings. This is extremely strange when you consider these languages are not from the same linguistic family. For me, it testifies to the unified voice of the Bible. We discussed many of these things as he was preparing for his first sermon and wanted my input. I was so honored and humbled to be a small part of that.

I have said all of this so that you can understand what is going on at times in this letter. My friend definitely understood it because we talked about it often. You see, inspiration, is simply to breathe in or inhale. Remember breath, wind, or spirit can be meant by this term in the Biblical languages. My friend and I talked about how God breathes life into us and how important it is for us to receive this. We must breathe His life in! The following letter was just a reminder at a time when he felt like circumstances were suffocating him. We often closed our communications with a familiar phrase: (I love you) Like My Next Breath . . .


My Dearest Brother….

I lack the ability to convey the warmth I feel in my heart towards you – the fondness, the utter love. You have been a constant source of strength and encouragement to my life; I only hope that perhaps now, I can be a fraction of that to you. You broke down walls in my life that I did not even know existed. The story of your life so pierced me that since that day, my life has been profoundly and irrevocably changed. The mere thought of you stirs my heart with hope and a passion for living. You inspire me . . . literally breathe life into the lungs of my soul. From our very first conversation, I knew that I had met someone with whom I would be a life long friend. And it is a true saying that friendships are forged in the fires of adversity. And this fire has truly crafted something that the gates of hell will not prevail against.

It is easy for one to grow weary after being tossed about on the harsh winds of life for what seems an eternity. Your wings grow tired, and even the thought of flight seems like a faint, almost hopeless dream. It is just so hard – especially when you can find nowhere to rest your weary wings. We all want to succeed – to fly high on the winds of life. We all want to be accepted and loved – unconditionally. We all want to impact others and transform their lives into something better and into something more than what they could have achieved alone. We all want some kind of redemption, some kind of enduring meaning to come from the pains and cruelties we have experienced in our lives. We don’t want the hurt to be completely meaningless. We hope that it would find significance – and perhaps, miraculously alter the destiny of another to the Glory of God.

But sometimes it just feels too hard – too overwhelming, and it is easy to lose our eternal perspectives – especially when the temporal is painted so large and vividly. The here and now screams for our attention. It almost drowns out the still small voice of the Holy Spirit – the Spirit of Peace. Ultimately, we can just become so tired we don’t want to try anymore; we just want peace. It may seem as though we are always failing, but remember, failure isn’t the worst thing in the world . . . quitting is.

God (and I to a limited degree) understands how easy it is to just want the cup to pass from us . . . for there to be another way, if possible . . . The daily battles of life can take such a heavy toll. This is especially true when it seems we are all alone and have no one to lean on. I often feel I fail you in this area. But I want you to know one thing my brother, I AM HERE FOR YOU! And I will fight for you on my knees; you will see.

I owe a debt to you my brother that I could never hope to repay. Your friendship . . . your fellowship . . . well, it’s priceless. Had you not been there for me at the time you were – who knows? But God has a way of Divinely orchestrating things in such a beautiful way that the ultimate outcome produces a harmony and music that could only proceed from the Composer of Life – He produces a melody that brings life, where once only death seemed possible.

Life is here – and more on the way my brother. I am so humbled and deeply grateful that God would allow me to be a part of it – especially when that part might concern your life, the life of someone I love immeasurably. Your part is just to breathe deeply – inhale it; choose life! There is strength in the love of God. Do not forget the God Who called you and has been so faithful to you. His hesed will always abound to you. There is a powerful line in the “When You Believe” song: though hope is frail, it’s hard to kill. That is so powerful to me. Though vision is frail, it’s not that easily snuffed out. It may smolder faintly as a slight ember, but just when you think it’s about to go out, it ignites into a glorious flame that sets the lives of others ablaze with passion for Jesus.

I love you my brother. Do not underestimate this love! There is a day coming when you will feel its strength. More than that, do not underestimate the love of Christ! It will sustain you through this period, and I will be in agreement with it on my knees.

Like My Next Breath . . .

Nathan