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I feel . . .
Torrential rain
Endless tears
Shapeless love
House of mirrors
Wind-blown leaves
Shaking hands
Desert dryness
Shifting sands
Volcanic thunder
Convulsive sobs
Pillaged feelings
Emotional mobs
Frozen fright
Melted will
Fallow ground
No need to till
Loss that gains
Gain that’s loss
The hornet’s sting
Of count the cost
I feel . . .
Help me!
I’m shattered and broken,
Completely undone
My heart ripped asunder
By the one that I love
Like the scorching sun
On the morning mist
You vanquished our love
Seems that I don’t exist
Why should I be left alone?
To languish in this loss
When you promised you’d love me
No matter the cost;
But when it cost you you
You threw in the towel
Stuck in a hook
And ripped out my bowels
I’ve lost all my words
My tongue’s become dumb
The pain still persists
When I thought I’d be numb
I grope for some answer
That will banish my pain
I scrub at my heart
To erase all the stain
But your touch is implanted,
Indelibly deep
It leaves me a vacuum
Wholly incomplete
Hopeless, nothing, meaningless life
Beat on an anvil, gripped in a vice
Move on? To what?
I’m lost without you
Be strong! Don’t cry!
Two things I can’t do
Don’t worry; it’ll pass
Things will get better
Nice words you say
But my soul is still fettered
I love you; I need you;
I miss you; it’s true
I can’t get me back
I gave me to you
Help me!
∞∞∞
The sum of “I love you” is 8. That’s right. Not many people know this. I can only think of two who really know this strange mathematical phenomenon – me included. As kids we used to say I love you in code by writing
As my love matured, I reverted to this childlike method of communication. Maybe there was a need to talk in code, but honestly, it was because I came to a deeper understanding of love. In my "greater sophistication," I totaled the three numbers and would simply type or say, “8.” I have only used this expression with one person, and that is the way it will remain – always & forever. At times, 8 failed to be genuine love, but most of the time it was true to form. Today, it challenges me, because as I studied this numeral, I realized that if it is read backwards or upside down, it is still 8. That's the way true love works. No matter how you slice or dice it; it remains constant.
Even more profound was that fact that when turned sideways, it succinctly demonstrates the true nature of love: infinity. Someone used to tell me, “I love you times infinity.” This was the only way of conveying the force of this feeling I suppose. Love isn't simply constant; it is also infinite.
∞ best represents the nature of God: love. Every time I type the number 8, I am reminded about the love of God. For me, the number says, “I love you unconditionally – always & forever – times infinity.” It says that in just one character! And while I know this is probably not amazing to anyone but me, I am completely enamored by this numerical concept.
Every chance I get, being careful not to wear it out, I will insert this one number to remind my friend of how much I care. And each time I use it, God reminds me of how much He cares. When I was a kid, almost a baby really, there was a television show that aired titled, "Eight Is Enough." I am one of eight children, so the title of the show always stuck with me. And despite this all sounding like numerical nonsense, I have come to realize and embrace -- at least when it comes to love -- that 8 is enough.
8,
Nathan
