We All Wanna Be Loved

We All Wanna Be Loved

“I love you.” It’s hard to believe how the rich meaning of those three words has been turned into something so cheap. We use those words as an unreflective knee-jerk response to the “I-love-yous” of others. We incessantly and unashamedly repeat the phrase when we want to manipulate others to fulfill our own selfish motives – whether that is to get something or just “get some.”

I guess it’s no wonder then that the more thoughtful and considerate people use it so sparingly. I guess they don’t want their salt to lose its flavor. And who can blame them? After all, salt that doesn’t have any flavor is just plain flaky.

How did something so rich and powerful become something so poor and impotent? How did “I love you” get so corrupted? It’s probably because the essence of sin is selfishness. Selfish beings realize – either consciously or unconsciously – that love is the most fundamental need of humanity. We all want to be loved! Whether or not we consciously know this is entirely another matter. Still, the selfish prey on this vital need. Consequently, those all-too-important three words become denigrated to the point of being irrelevant. They certainly become easy to flippantly speak but exceedingly difficult to faithfully live out.

Again, this explains the reservations of the more reflective to express those life-giving three words. This is because a sensitive considerate person realizes the gravity of the expression. To truly utter those words is to freely give part of your self to another without the expectation of some kind of return; so, the greedy are left empty handed. To authentically utter those words is to commit your self to the often long and arduous process of being a true friend; so, the irresponsible are left jaded. To legitimately utter those words is to make your self transparent and vulnerable to the pain that comes from the possibility of being rejected; so, the fearful are left cringing. No, only a thoughtful, generous, committed, brave person can genuinely utter those three words. And those come few and far between. Maybe that’s why “I love you” has become so artificial?

I spoke to my brother last night on the phone for several hours. See, last night I desperately wanted to feel loved, if not hear someone say, “I love you.” He awakened at some absurd hour (perhaps not so absurd for a college student) and called me – unexpectedly. We talked about a number of things, some silly, some serious. We listened to each other with compassion and care as the moment called for it; we laughed with each other with revelry and recklessness when the situation solicited it. We had a good time. I never heard him say, “I love you” that night because he’s not the type to throw those words around lightly. But I did feel loved that night as he patiently and empathically listened to all of my pains and problems, and he conferred on me the dignity that comes with being seen and understood as a real person. I hope he felt the warmth and sincerity behind my “I love you” – just as I felt the wonder and genuineness of his love through his steadfast silence. After all: We all want and need to be loved!

About Me . . .

I am a Christian. I don’t say this to blatantly wave a red religious banner in the faces of my readers for effect, but rather to disclose that Christianity is such an integral part of who I am that I cannot simply compartmentalize my life in such a way as to leave it out any more than I could cease to be human, male or organic. Christianity is a comprehensive whole to me. It frames my worldview and ultimately I am subsumed under the weight of its love and shaped in every dimension of my life by the impact of its freedom.

Having said that, you shouldn’t be surprised that most of my thoughts are tempered, if not crafted, by this integral part of me. For me to do otherwise would be to splinter and fragment myself into something unintelligible and certainly disingenuous. Besides, does anyone really believe that someone can be absolutely objective and unbiased, uncolored by the sum of all the experiences he or she brings forward? Why not be honest and simply state your bias (meaning who you are) upfront? This way, others can intelligently sift through what you’re saying in an informed (even if disagreeable) way.

Today, June 16, 2006, in my first attempt at blogging. I suppose many first-time bloggers make this disclaimer. A friend has inspired me to set out on this endeavor. I suppose that it provides an outlet for one of the more basic desires of humanity: the desire to be heard. Why do we want to be heard? This is a legitimate question I think. I think it can begin to be understood by realizing that when we listen to someone, we are saying that they are worth being heard. Everyone wants to feel a sense of worth. When we pay attention to others – hear their voice – we are affirming their personhood and consequently their intrinsic value. We are saying that they, and by extension, what they are saying, are worth something; they have value. At the most fundamental level, we are saying “I love you.”

This brings me to my bottomline philosophy on life: We all want to be loved! The desire and need to be and feel loved makes the world go ‘round. It makes painters paint and poets poetic. It makes singers sing and philosophers philosophize. It scares the brave and makes weak the strong. It makes the wisest of us act foolish and even the foolish behave wisely at times. Almost everything we do in life, whether we know it or not, revolves around our desire to be loved. On that note, here is my first entry:

We All Wanna Be Loved