Like My Next Breath . . .

It’s been about a month since my last blog. I am trying to be consistent in posting one each month. The one I am going to share with you today is extremely personal. I am a little nervous about letting others in on the thoughts of my heart; I felt this personal letter was appropriate since recently God has been convicting me about how I have allowed the enemy and circumstances strain and fracture some very important friendships. Let me set this up:

A few years ago a friend of mine was going through a lot of stuff. He felt like his life had come to a standstill, no one truly loved him, and was talking about suicide. He is like a brother to me and was often a source of comfort and confidence. We used to chat and talk for hours about the things of God. We talked about God’s hesed – that unfailing love that God offers to us, even when we’re unfaithful. It is the kind of love that remains “covenantally” committed even when we are not. The book of Hosea depicts this succinctly. We also talked about how unusual it was for two unrelated languages – Hebrew and Greek – to have words – ruach and pneuma – that could each mean three things: spirit, wind, or breath. In other words, the Old Testament and the New Testament each have a different word that has precisely the same meaning and number of meanings. This is extremely strange when you consider these languages are not from the same linguistic family. For me, it testifies to the unified voice of the Bible. We discussed many of these things as he was preparing for his first sermon and wanted my input. I was so honored and humbled to be a small part of that.

I have said all of this so that you can understand what is going on at times in this letter. My friend definitely understood it because we talked about it often. You see, inspiration, is simply to breathe in or inhale. Remember breath, wind, or spirit can be meant by this term in the Biblical languages. My friend and I talked about how God breathes life into us and how important it is for us to receive this. We must breathe His life in! The following letter was just a reminder at a time when he felt like circumstances were suffocating him. We often closed our communications with a familiar phrase: (I love you) Like My Next Breath . . .


My Dearest Brother….

I lack the ability to convey the warmth I feel in my heart towards you – the fondness, the utter love. You have been a constant source of strength and encouragement to my life; I only hope that perhaps now, I can be a fraction of that to you. You broke down walls in my life that I did not even know existed. The story of your life so pierced me that since that day, my life has been profoundly and irrevocably changed. The mere thought of you stirs my heart with hope and a passion for living. You inspire me . . . literally breathe life into the lungs of my soul. From our very first conversation, I knew that I had met someone with whom I would be a life long friend. And it is a true saying that friendships are forged in the fires of adversity. And this fire has truly crafted something that the gates of hell will not prevail against.

It is easy for one to grow weary after being tossed about on the harsh winds of life for what seems an eternity. Your wings grow tired, and even the thought of flight seems like a faint, almost hopeless dream. It is just so hard – especially when you can find nowhere to rest your weary wings. We all want to succeed – to fly high on the winds of life. We all want to be accepted and loved – unconditionally. We all want to impact others and transform their lives into something better and into something more than what they could have achieved alone. We all want some kind of redemption, some kind of enduring meaning to come from the pains and cruelties we have experienced in our lives. We don’t want the hurt to be completely meaningless. We hope that it would find significance – and perhaps, miraculously alter the destiny of another to the Glory of God.

But sometimes it just feels too hard – too overwhelming, and it is easy to lose our eternal perspectives – especially when the temporal is painted so large and vividly. The here and now screams for our attention. It almost drowns out the still small voice of the Holy Spirit – the Spirit of Peace. Ultimately, we can just become so tired we don’t want to try anymore; we just want peace. It may seem as though we are always failing, but remember, failure isn’t the worst thing in the world . . . quitting is.

God (and I to a limited degree) understands how easy it is to just want the cup to pass from us . . . for there to be another way, if possible . . . The daily battles of life can take such a heavy toll. This is especially true when it seems we are all alone and have no one to lean on. I often feel I fail you in this area. But I want you to know one thing my brother, I AM HERE FOR YOU! And I will fight for you on my knees; you will see.

I owe a debt to you my brother that I could never hope to repay. Your friendship . . . your fellowship . . . well, it’s priceless. Had you not been there for me at the time you were – who knows? But God has a way of Divinely orchestrating things in such a beautiful way that the ultimate outcome produces a harmony and music that could only proceed from the Composer of Life – He produces a melody that brings life, where once only death seemed possible.

Life is here – and more on the way my brother. I am so humbled and deeply grateful that God would allow me to be a part of it – especially when that part might concern your life, the life of someone I love immeasurably. Your part is just to breathe deeply – inhale it; choose life! There is strength in the love of God. Do not forget the God Who called you and has been so faithful to you. His hesed will always abound to you. There is a powerful line in the “When You Believe” song: though hope is frail, it’s hard to kill. That is so powerful to me. Though vision is frail, it’s not that easily snuffed out. It may smolder faintly as a slight ember, but just when you think it’s about to go out, it ignites into a glorious flame that sets the lives of others ablaze with passion for Jesus.

I love you my brother. Do not underestimate this love! There is a day coming when you will feel its strength. More than that, do not underestimate the love of Christ! It will sustain you through this period, and I will be in agreement with it on my knees.

Like My Next Breath . . .

Nathan

We All Wanna Be Loved

We All Wanna Be Loved

“I love you.” It’s hard to believe how the rich meaning of those three words has been turned into something so cheap. We use those words as an unreflective knee-jerk response to the “I-love-yous” of others. We incessantly and unashamedly repeat the phrase when we want to manipulate others to fulfill our own selfish motives – whether that is to get something or just “get some.”

I guess it’s no wonder then that the more thoughtful and considerate people use it so sparingly. I guess they don’t want their salt to lose its flavor. And who can blame them? After all, salt that doesn’t have any flavor is just plain flaky.

How did something so rich and powerful become something so poor and impotent? How did “I love you” get so corrupted? It’s probably because the essence of sin is selfishness. Selfish beings realize – either consciously or unconsciously – that love is the most fundamental need of humanity. We all want to be loved! Whether or not we consciously know this is entirely another matter. Still, the selfish prey on this vital need. Consequently, those all-too-important three words become denigrated to the point of being irrelevant. They certainly become easy to flippantly speak but exceedingly difficult to faithfully live out.

Again, this explains the reservations of the more reflective to express those life-giving three words. This is because a sensitive considerate person realizes the gravity of the expression. To truly utter those words is to freely give part of your self to another without the expectation of some kind of return; so, the greedy are left empty handed. To authentically utter those words is to commit your self to the often long and arduous process of being a true friend; so, the irresponsible are left jaded. To legitimately utter those words is to make your self transparent and vulnerable to the pain that comes from the possibility of being rejected; so, the fearful are left cringing. No, only a thoughtful, generous, committed, brave person can genuinely utter those three words. And those come few and far between. Maybe that’s why “I love you” has become so artificial?

I spoke to my brother last night on the phone for several hours. See, last night I desperately wanted to feel loved, if not hear someone say, “I love you.” He awakened at some absurd hour (perhaps not so absurd for a college student) and called me – unexpectedly. We talked about a number of things, some silly, some serious. We listened to each other with compassion and care as the moment called for it; we laughed with each other with revelry and recklessness when the situation solicited it. We had a good time. I never heard him say, “I love you” that night because he’s not the type to throw those words around lightly. But I did feel loved that night as he patiently and empathically listened to all of my pains and problems, and he conferred on me the dignity that comes with being seen and understood as a real person. I hope he felt the warmth and sincerity behind my “I love you” – just as I felt the wonder and genuineness of his love through his steadfast silence. After all: We all want and need to be loved!

About Me . . .

I am a Christian. I don’t say this to blatantly wave a red religious banner in the faces of my readers for effect, but rather to disclose that Christianity is such an integral part of who I am that I cannot simply compartmentalize my life in such a way as to leave it out any more than I could cease to be human, male or organic. Christianity is a comprehensive whole to me. It frames my worldview and ultimately I am subsumed under the weight of its love and shaped in every dimension of my life by the impact of its freedom.

Having said that, you shouldn’t be surprised that most of my thoughts are tempered, if not crafted, by this integral part of me. For me to do otherwise would be to splinter and fragment myself into something unintelligible and certainly disingenuous. Besides, does anyone really believe that someone can be absolutely objective and unbiased, uncolored by the sum of all the experiences he or she brings forward? Why not be honest and simply state your bias (meaning who you are) upfront? This way, others can intelligently sift through what you’re saying in an informed (even if disagreeable) way.

Today, June 16, 2006, in my first attempt at blogging. I suppose many first-time bloggers make this disclaimer. A friend has inspired me to set out on this endeavor. I suppose that it provides an outlet for one of the more basic desires of humanity: the desire to be heard. Why do we want to be heard? This is a legitimate question I think. I think it can begin to be understood by realizing that when we listen to someone, we are saying that they are worth being heard. Everyone wants to feel a sense of worth. When we pay attention to others – hear their voice – we are affirming their personhood and consequently their intrinsic value. We are saying that they, and by extension, what they are saying, are worth something; they have value. At the most fundamental level, we are saying “I love you.”

This brings me to my bottomline philosophy on life: We all want to be loved! The desire and need to be and feel loved makes the world go ‘round. It makes painters paint and poets poetic. It makes singers sing and philosophers philosophize. It scares the brave and makes weak the strong. It makes the wisest of us act foolish and even the foolish behave wisely at times. Almost everything we do in life, whether we know it or not, revolves around our desire to be loved. On that note, here is my first entry:

We All Wanna Be Loved